Sister, I'm Not Much
by xxwaitingxforxthatxmomentxx
Summary: Emily is left highly upset when Naomi is messing around with Freddie cause she can't cope with being gay or being in love with Emily. Katie's trying to keep Emily alive and on the rails, but it's not really working.
1. Cause I'm Crying

I was led down on the couch with my drink on a table next to me with katie sat on a couch across the room from me, I looked past her and looked at the window, as the rain heavily and quickly hit it. I let out a quiet sigh but Katie heard it and looked over at me. She cocked her head to the side and looked at me with her confused face. She walked over and led next to me. She put her arm around me and I laid my head on her chest.

**"It's okay Ems. It'll all be okay."** She told me.

**"No it won't. He's wrecked everything."** I told her then burst into tears.

**"Yeah he has, he's a knob. But I know that she loves you and that she will come back to you, everyone in this group knows that she loves you and he's just taking advantage of the fact that she's confused and in such a state. She'll be yours soon."** Wow, she actually sounded rather intelligent at that moment in time, that is rather impressive.

**"How do you know? You can't be sure"** I squeaked out.

**"Effy was talking to her the other night, asking what was going on, she said that she didn't know what was going on, that she needed time to think a-"**

**"She's had fucking years to fucking think Katie" **I screamed.

**"She needs time Ems, she'll realise it. He's everything she wants cause he's everything you ain'ts Ems and that's why she's gone for him, so she doesn't have to think about you and this whole situation, so that she can take her mind off it a bit, but soon, the guilt will set in and she won't be able to think about anything but you and the situation in her heart and mind."** Wow that was the second clever thing she's said tonight. I never thought that I could talk to Katie about this sort of thing but I can. When she first found out, she would only talk to me to shout abuse at me, but she realised that I couldn't help being the way I am and she realised that I was hurting from being in actual love, I think that's what hit home in her, to make her see that her 7 minute younger baby sister needed help and needed saving. The wisest words that I've ever heard in my life, and the most comforting are from my sister, the sister that used to hate me and used to be a big homophobe but me and my sister are closer than anything now, but she still hates Naomi, and she hates her even more because she hurts me every day, she's voiced her opinion and dream about punching her in the face several times but that only happens when she really gets stressed and that's hardly ever these days, she's on pills to calm her anger down or something.

Me and Katie weren't going out as much as we used to do anymore because this whole Naomi and Freddie situation is messing everyone up and making everyone fall out. Naomi has fallen out with me obviously because of everything and Katie knows about how I'm upset so she hates Naomi even more, also Katie really likes Freddie so she isn't pleased with Freddie, nor is Cook because he likes Effy who likes Freddy who is upsetting her. JJ isn't happy because his friends are falling apart and because Naomi and Freddie are hurting one of his real friends who is me and Panda just doesn't know what to do anymore, she just stands there like a lemon at the back of us all trying to work everything but she can't.


	2. Cause I Don't Feel Alive

"**Ems, I know that you're hurting and all that but for God's sake, can you actually do something for once?"** Katie yelled at me as she walked into our room. She had a fair point. All I had done since I found out who and what Naomi was doing was fall in to a deep state of depression. Every day I did exactly the same things; I just led in bed most of the time and went for the occasional shower. I never ate or drank, I felt too sick to do so. I felt weak and it was hard to move as I was losing all my energy and I cried myself to sleep every night over a girl that just couldn't accept herself for what she was.

"**But I don't want to"** I replied in a hoarse whisper.

"**That's the problem, you don't want to anything"** she screamed in a pure annoyed tone of voice. I couldn't help the fact that everything I used to do now reminded me of Naomi, even breathing did. I didn't even listen to music or watch films because they brought back memories and made me think of her. She leant me an Arctic Monkey's CD that she had a month ago, it was on the shelf next to all my other CD's. I actually got out of bed and Katie was shocked, the look on her face was priceless as I walked over to the shelf, got the CD and broke it, threw it and watched it smash along with the case that broke after it. I walked out of our room and into the bathroom to find safety. I looked around the medicine cabinet.

Pills, pills, pills, not exciting enough, they're not going to make me feel anything at all. I carried on looking around until I thought of the most obvious things, I found my dad's replaceable shaver blades and took one out of the box that they had come in. I put the toilet seat down and sat on top of it, just looking at the blade. I took a deep breath and sighed as I took the blade and made fine, deep and straight lines over a canvas that was my arm and started to make a full on pierce of art with the ink being the blood from my pale, diseased veins. I winced and stopped when it finally started to sting, when I finally started to feel something, when I felt how much blood was running down my arm and when I realised how dizzy I was getting. I put my head down and pulled my shirt sleeve down. I took deep breaths then stood up and washed my arm and placed a firm bandage on and hoped to God that Katie would not be grabbing my arm at any time soon or I may have to cry even more.

At least for once since everything happened, I felt something but I have to admit, it felt even worse to know that I was alive and that all this was actually happening.


	3. Cause I'm Nothing But A Shadow

"**You!" **Katie yelled when she saw Naomi in the corridor at college. I stood behind Katie like a shadow, like the shadow of a dead person because that was pretty much what I had become. I was nothing at all, everything in my life had been lost, my everything being Naomi Campbell. I lost her when she started fucking him, it isn't my fault that she can't face and accept being gay is it.

Katie walked over to her, slapped her and then pinned her up against a wall. Naomi punched her in the stomach and Katie doubled over but slammed Naomi back in to the wall when she tried to get away. I walked up to Katie and put my hand on her shoulder.

"**Katie, she's not worth it, she's scum and shit, let's go"** I said to her in my most serious tone of voice, in the tone of voice that Katie knew that she shouldn't turn down at all. She let Naomi go and put her arm around me and walked off.

"**I'm shit am I Ems?"** I heard Naomi whisper as I walked off.

"**Yes, you heard her, you're fucking shit. You are nothing**." Katie yelled, I guess that Katie heard her too. I hand to hold on to Katie's arm to stop her from going back, but Katie was stronger than I was in my pilled up, frail state. She broke free of my grip and ran back up to Naomi, slamming her on to the ground and proceeding to punch the living daylights out of her.

"**Teach you to break my sister"** She yelled as she raised her fist again, but it was held back by someone and Katie was pulled off Naomi and to her feet.

"**As long as I love two girls arguing… you aren't in bikinis and there's no mud"** Cook said, laughing at his own choice of words. I stood and watched Katie struggle against him.

"**Fucking look at her Campbell! She's a fucking state! She doesn't sleep at night because she can't stop crying, she's on half a million pills a day to cheer her up and she drinks and harms herself and she still can't fucking forget about you. It isn't her fault she's gay and she loves you, yes, that's right, she actually loves you and it isn't her fault that you can't accept yourself and what you are so you go and shag someone else. You go and shag him."** She screamed and then pointed at Freddie who had shown up and put his arm around Naomi.

"**You're even fucking worse. You're a fucking scrubber. You've been wearing those clothes for three days now for god's sake, do you not own anymore or something! Have a wash or something like that please. She's only shagging you because you'll go for anyone and she can have you at the click of her fingers! Both of you together have broken my fucking sister. You won't get away with it. When things take a turn for the worse again for her, she'll get so out of control and you'll fucking regret it, I'll make sure."** She continued to scream, before she finally managed to break loose of Cook and run back over to me, back over to the shadow and dragged me off home by my arm.

Katie had finally got me out of bed and persuaded me to come in to college and now we had been here for ten minutes and we've walked out and we're going home already. I guess that it just needed to be done. I never knew my sister cared that much to start a screaming match, I never thought she cared at all until a few days ago when everything happened.

I was so in love with Naomi Campbell that I couldn't cope with anything, I was doing all those things that she had said and nothing could stop me, not even the anti-depressants that I were on and I'm sure that they were supposed to help with all of this, but they didn't. They were useless just like everything else was. I saw Naomi get the crap beaten out of her today and all I did was stand there at the side of the corridor, watching it from a distance with a blank look on my face, not caring about anything anymore.


	4. Cause I Could Never Give Up

"**That best knock some sense in to her. Maybe now she'll realise that she shouldn't be running away from everything" **Katie stated as we walked through the bedroom door. This bedroom was becoming the room of all problems at the moment.

"**As much as you loved beating the crap out of her Katie, I'd like her to realise that she shouldn't run away because she loves me, not because you're nearly killing her"** I replied.

"**Oh well. What's done is done. She can make her mind up from here, I'm sick of her hurting you Ems… and at least someone told Freddie he was a scrubber."** She said proudly. I laughed at this. This was the first time that I've laughed in a while now, well in a few days anyway. I went silent again and Katie just sighed.

"**I don't know why you fell for her Ems, you could do so much better. You really could. There are so many girls out there."** She said to me.

"**She's amazing. She's everything."** I stated simply in my mechanical, monophonic voice.

"**She'd never deserve you."** She said angrily before punching the wall next to her bed. I looked at her startled.

"**Please stop. I don't want to talk about her anymore Kates"** I said to her pleadingly. She immediately stopped and looked at me with caring eyes.

"**Okay. We'll watch a film"** She said and we went downstairs. I lay there as she put a film on, what film it was; I had no idea at all. It all just seemed black and white to me and very blurry, I didn't care much for watching a film but at least it prevented Katie from talking about my blonde angel who was slowly bringing the death of me. I decided to try and watch the film or just listen to it and then my phone vibrated and flashed. It was a text from Naomi.

**Sorry Ems xx**

Katie must have heard the vibration as she was looking at me with an eyebrow raised. I chucked her my phone knowing that she wanted to read it. She read it and laughed and threw it back to me.

"**Thought she would be"** She stated.

"**Yeah but what about?"** I asked myself more than her.

**What for?**

I sent the message and put the phone back down next to me, waiting for a reply. I kept glancing at my phone every two seconds to check for a text and when I eventually got one back, I jumped in shock and Katie laughed at me.

"**Well hurry up and check it I wanna know yeah" **She said.

**Everything, how I treat you, I shouldn't have run off with Freds because I love you and I know that I just didn't wanna accept it. Forgive me? Xx**

I read the text out to Katie and she howled with laughter.

"**What you going to do?"** she asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. I put the phone down and carried on pretending to watch the film. I glanced at Katie and she started to watch the film again too. I got up and walked to the bathroom.

"**Come round?"** I said as the soon as the phone was answered.

"**Ems, Katie will kill me."**

"**I know that it was harsh what she did but please come round?"** I asked her.

"**I know its sound wrong or corny, but let me do my work first because I've just got out from college, I'll come round at about 7 okay?"**

"**Okay. Promise me?"**

"**I promise you Ems. Tell Katie thanks for the bruises by the way, and I don't blame you for just standing there either, I deserved it, I know you thought I did to. I'm sorry. Anyway I'll have to go okay? Erm, I love you"** she said before putting the phone down on me. She sounded so honest and sure when she said it. I smiled and went back downstairs.

"**Why didn't you just ring her when you were down here?"** Katie asked. I shrugged.

"**She says thanks for the bruises and she's coming around at 7 to talk."** I replied. **"She told me she was sorry"** I added. **"And that she loved me" **I chucked in right at the end. Katie had a look of shock on her face; it was my turn to laugh.

"**She admits it now? Good. She's welcome for the bruising too"** She said smiling. **"I told you it'd work out didn't I?"**


	5. Cause Now I'm A Winner

At half six I had run up to my room and dragged Katie with me to help me get ready to see the most gorgeous girl in my life, getting ready so that I would impress the girl I class as my entire world, my everything. I had taken a quick shower and was stood in front of a wardrobe in a towel with Katie. I hadn't actually realised how late I'd left getting ready.

"**To be honest Emily, you should go for a look she's never seen before. Just put on a t-shirt and some jeans. She's only ever seen you in a skirt."** She said to me bluntly. I picked out the tightest and skinniest, black jeans and a white, tight and graphic patterned t-shirt. I did my usual make-up and straightened my hair until it was the straightest it could be.

"**See you look fine, but different, plus if you wore your usual clothing, it would've shown how much weight you've lost from not eating and stuff yeah"** She concluded. I agreed that I looked okay, different to what Naomi had seen me like before. My skin wasn't on full show and I felt comfortable like this, I looked great.

"**Thanks Katie, for everything"** I said to her with a smile on my face.

"**It's good to see you back as you were Emily**" She said to me proudly, with an identical smile. **"Now I'm assuming you want me to go somewhere?"** She asked me.

"**If you wouldn't mind"** I asked her shyly.

"**I'll go round to Uncle Ken's for a bit. In fact, I'll stay there and get James to stay there too."** She said, whilst walking out of the door and closing it. She ran back in and hugged me. **"Good luck and you look gorgeous."** And she ran back out. I heard the front door slam. I sat down on my bed and I couldn't believe that I was seriously going to talk about this all with Naomi, finally. I've been waiting ages. The long-awaited knock on the door finally came; I breathed heavily and calmed myself down and casually walked down the stairs and opened the door to the blonde girl of my dreams.

"**Wow, you look… you're…. breath-taking"** she managed to stutter out. I looked down and blushed. I guided her in with my hand, I took her upstairs to mine and Katie's room and we lay down on my bed. I smiled at her and she returned my smile with her own perfect smile and then she wrapped her arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"**You really do look gorgeous you know, you should dress like that more. Not that I don't like your other sense of style, but this looks nice once in a while"** she said.

"**Thank you, you look amazing too"** I said in a shy and quiet voice. Yes, I was nervous and shy.

"**Look Emily, I'm sorry about everything. I never should have ran away from anything but I did, I was scared, scared of what I was, of who I was. I was scared of letting people know, the reaction I would get. I was scared of messing it all up. And…"** then she broke off, in the middle of her sentence, I looked at her in a questioning manner.

"**And what?"** I asked her softly.

"**I was scared of admitting I was in love, scared of being in love. I've never been in love before. I've never let anyone in, never wanted to. It was intuition and instinct to run away from it all and I can only apologise"** She broke down in tears at this point, my angel was sobbing softly.

"**Don't apologise"** I said quickly as I moved closer to her in attempt to comfort her but she carried on.

"**I've put you through hell Emily, how can't I apologise. All those things your sister said to me, they never occurred to me that I could be causing that. Every day you weren't at college, I missed you, I couldn't admit it to anyone but I missed you but I had to keep up my act with Freddy and for the record, nothing ever happened with me and him, just getting with, no sex."** She spoke her words softly.

"**Really?"** I asked.

"**I'm yours, and yours alone in that department. Always will be Emily. No one's touch could be better than yours because I love you, and if I'm right, you love me too?"** Those words brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't believe that she had said that, she had lost herself to me and never touched anyone else in such a manner, she was mine just like I was hers.

"**Always. I always will."** I promised her, she nodded and wiped my tears from my eyes,

"**I've been so stupid, I made a huge mistake, I let you go for such a time and it hurt me every single day"**

"**It hurt me too"** I replied softly.** "But Katie saw me through everything, she got made at me occasionally but sorted me out and comforted me in the end, she made me go to college today and look what's ended up happening"**

"**I know, who would've thought having the mental Katie Fitch beating everything out of you, could make you realise how much you loved her 7 minutes younger beautiful sister. I actually thank her for the bruises and pain"** She said and then laughed. It was that gorgeous laugh of hers that I loved. I was amazed that she remembered how many minutes younger I was.

"**I love you Emily Fitch"** She said whilst looking in to my eyes with a smile on her face.

"**I love you too Naomi Campbell"** I replied as I looked into pools of Azure with tears threatening to leak again, her eye colour was my favourite colour because of that reason. She leant down and gave me a soft but passionate kiss on the lips that I happily responded to. She pulled away and pulled me closer and closed her eyes. There would be no antics tonight and I knew that I was glad; it was a perfect way to end my depression and to end my night. In one day and night I had become normal again, made my sister proud, looked good again, got the girl of my dreams and got told by said girl that she was in love with me. As I closed my eyes, the words of my sister played over in my head.

**"It's okay Ems. It'll all be okay, and I know that she loves you and that she will come back to you."**


End file.
